Critique – Jody Freeman

Jody Freeman
Jody Freeman

Student’s Comments:

What I like:

  • I like the colors and the arrangement. The original photo had twelve whooping cranes so I needed to cut down and decide their position.
  • Most of the sky was many layers of watercolor.

What could be improved:

  • I got the cranes a little to dark too quick and lost some of the detail. If I had used half a sheet I would have been able to show more of the sandy shore, which has wonderful reflective colors. Poor planning!

Dan’s Comments:

What I like:

  • Good use of contrast between the birds and the background to make them both stand out yet appear part of the landscape.
  • The water has a nice shimmer. This is not easy to do with watercolors, as you need to start with the lights and work back to the darks.
  • I love the colors of the sky and the play between warm and cool. It’s interesting but does not overpower the painting.

What could be improved:

  • The line of trees in the background seems to jump up or down between the birds. I’m not sure if this is a coincidence or something that needs to be fixed. If there are changes in the land (the distant shoreline is not straight) then consider adding slight curves and hints along the visible shoreline to make it clearer. This will also help our eyes move through the landscape.
Jody Freeman_Page_2
Jody Freeman_Page_1

Two of the birds overlap awkwardly. This is not necessarily a mistake, but it’s something to consider when composing a painting. Composition theory suggests you avoid overlapping objects in a way that their edges line up neatly as they do here. But theory is just theory. There are times to follow it and times to go against it.

Jody Freeman Slide 2
Jody Freeman Slide 4
  • The clouds need to be lighter and more pronounced, or not there at all. At the moment, they look timid. The gradation from orange to blue is also too sharp. Soften the gradation to make it appear more realistic.
  • I like how you have simplified the detail, but a few feature strokes could do well on the birds. Perhaps you could use feature strokes for some prominent features or to reiterate a strong gesture line.

Look at the work of Bob Kuhn for inspiration.

Thanks Jody!